Archive for January 14th, 2010

Zoe & Sophia Enjoy Heavy Breathing and Recall Their Sexy Twenties as the Sublime Consumers of the Lightness of Being

January 14th, 2010 14 comments

January 13

Thank you for the WONDERFUL ADVICE you’ve offered the two single women, whose lives are suddenly crashing in chaos! Zoe and Sophia, BFFs for thirty years, find themselves unexpectedly cast into the world of re-creation and redefinition after decades of being faithful wives to George and Marty. They need advice from anyone willing to give it. For instance, what advice would you give your BFF as she cried, I RAN INTO MY EX’S GIRLFRIEND AT THE GYM, AND I COULDN’T REFRAIN FROM STARING IN HER EYES AS I POINTED AT HER GROSS THIGHS? Any advice you can give to Sophia would be helpful, but this is what Zoe said.

Sophia stood looking at the piles of summer clothes on the floor of her bedroom. With Zoe’s help, Sophia managed to clean up the plates she broke a few days before, on the afternoon when her despair reached such a pitch that she danced around her living room in a grass Hula skirt, singing to the heavens in her pathetic attempt to expunge cheating Marty from her heart. But the clothes she danced on, amidst the broken pottery, merely shifted from the living room to the bedroom, and she still hadn’t begun packing for their trip to Florida.  Sophia knew that when things became overwhelming, it was difficult for her to START somewhere. So, once again, she stepped around the clothes piles and headed downstairs to begin cooking dinner for Zoe who would be joining her shortly.

As she stoked the fire in her chilly 1770s N. H. home on Lake Winnipesaukee, her phone jingled.
“Hi, Zo.”
“Hey, Sophie. I’m on my way. I have to bring Sparky though. George won’t look after him tonight.” George was Zoe’s soon-to-be-ex who lived in the cottage on the same property as Zoe’s large 1790s home, five miles down the road from Sophia.
“No, prob,” said Sophia, but she wasn’t thrilled. The last time Sparky (Zoe’s incontinent, stroke-victim yellow Lab) came to the house, he limped around until he found the cat food and consumed it. After that, he shoved his nose into the crap in the cat box, and just as he was about to enjoy “dessert,” Sophia shrieked at him, alarming the poor thing, and he peed involuntarily all over Sophia’s mudroom. Good times.

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