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Posts Tagged ‘diversity’

Zoe & Sophia Dance Half-Naked for an Interstate Webcam Audience and Contemplate Moving to Florida as the Sublime Consumers of the Lightness of Being

February 24th, 2010 1 comment

February 24
PLEASE send your advice to two single women, whose lives are suddenly crashing in chaos! Zoe and Sophia, BFFs for thirty years, find themselves unexpectedly cast into the world of re-creation and redefinition after decades of being faithful wives to George and Marty. They need advice from anyone willing to offer it. For instance, what advice would you give your BFF were she to ask, “IF YOU MOVE AWAY, WHAT WILL I DO?” Any advice you can give to Zoe would be helpful, but this is what Sophia said.

Late one afternoon Sophia sat at the dining room table in her large 1770s home on a lake in New Hampshire. She leaned into her laptop, working on the manuscript of a mystery that was in the last stages of editing before she could send it out to publishers and agents. In the eleven months since she was laid off as a reporter, from a newspaper where she worked for twenty years, she wrote two books and was well on her way to a third. Unfortunately, her ability to work effectively was interrupted five months before when her husband Marty left her for his girlfriend, Fugly, as Sophia called her. Writing kept Sophia from living on Planet Nuts permanently because when she wrote, she was able to manage the grief. But the minute she stopped, even for a few hours, she crashed. And it didn’t help that she was beginning to feel discouraged about selling her work. So far, she had received only rejections except by one literary agent who, at least, agreed to read her first completed manuscript.

Agents and publishers were not Sophia’s problem that afternoon though. It was her huge Maine Coon cat Tolstoy who wanted attention. He sat on the table next to her, giving her the evil eye because he thought he was hungry. Tolstoy had an eating disorder. He captured and ate all small living creatures, from mice to crickets to birds, and devoured everything else even remotely edible in the house. Sophia wasn’t the only one suffering from her marital split. Tolstoy started his compulsive eating shortly after Marty left and took the dogs with him. Marty still refused to let the border collies, Voltaire and Dickens, visit with Sophia and Tolstoy. Voltaire and Dickens raised Tolstoy from the time he was a poor abandoned kitten, whose mother was unable to nurse him. Sophia fed Tolstoy with an eye dropper back then, just to keep him alive, but it was the dogs who were his big brothers, and Tolstoy missed them something wicked.

Tolstoy butted his head against Sophia’s arm a couple of times, thinking Sophia was being awfully insensitive to his needs. He figured he’d show her a thing or two and leapt on to her keyboard, deleting an entire paragraph.
“Dammit, Tolstoy,” groaned Sophia. Tolstoy was so heavy that Sophia had to stand up to leverage his weight off of the laptop. Just then, a brisk wind blasted into the dining room, followed by the clatter of Zoe and Sparky, her incontinent, stroke-impaired yellow Lab. The two ran inside away from the icy air and blankets of falling snow. Sophia held Tolstoy in her arms, but he was so heavy that her feet were planted to the floor. So, she couldn’t get out of the way when Sparky ran sideways toward her, catching her behind the knees. Tolstoy sprang from Sophia’s arms, but not in time for Sophia to catch her fall.

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Zoe & Sophia Spend a Ski Weekend in Vermont with Sexy Twenty-Something Women as the Sublime Consumers of the Lightness of Being

February 19th, 2010 2 comments

February 19 th 2010
PLEASE send your advice to two single women, whose lives are suddenly crashing in chaos! Zoe and Sophia, BFFs for thirty years, find themselves unexpectedly cast into the world of re-creation and redefinition after decades of being faithful wives to George and Marty. They need advice from anyone willing to offer it. For instance, what advice would you give your BFF if she said, “I WANT TO SUSTAIN THIS DETACHMENT. WHAT SHOULD I DO?” Any advice you can give to Sophia would be helpful, but this is what Zoe said.

Zoe and Sophia had been up since dawn, running around like loons, packing clothes and cleaning up after Sparky’s messes. Sparky, Zoe’s stroke-impaired yellow Lab, was always incontinent, but his bladder and bowels worked overtime when he was stressed out. Sparky was anxious because he feared Zoe was taking another trip without him. He wished that bitch Sophia would just go away alone, maybe take a long walk off a short pier somewhere.

Just then, Sophia’s daughter, Poppy, crashed through the door in a panic. She’d been pounding on the door for a couple of minutes, but her mother and “aunt” were too busy getting ready for their trip to pay attention to the odd noise. The door wasn’t locked, but piled in front of it was luggage and the girth of Sparky, lying on the luggage, thinking he could stop Zoe from leaving. All that weight created a barrier that was hard to push out of the way. Sparky finally stood up and stepped back. Poppy was pushing so hard that the door swung open with great force, and Poppy fell into the house on top of the luggage. Of course, this scared Sparky and he let loose a yellow stream.
“Dammit, Sparky. Git,” yelled Poppy, who lay on the floor damp and gross.
“Hi, sweetie darling,” Sophia called from the bathroom. “We’re almost ready to leave for Vermont.”
“Ma, I gotta go home and change. Sparky just peed all over me.”
“That’s a shame dear. By the time you get back, we’ll be ready.”

Poppy lived in New Hampshire, just minutes from Zoe’s and Sophia’s homes. She wasn’t happy about going back to her house since she’d already said goodbye to her husband “Fonzi” and her daughter Lilly. They were being good sports about Poppy going off without them for a weekend, to see her cousin Lulu, who was up from Texas on a ski trip. But Poppy knew a momentary reentry at home to shower and change clothes would be disruptive.

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